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Monday, 22 February 2010

Another week inside my head

Every time I pass by my reflection today I cringe. I look so tired and slightly frayed around the edges.  I haven't been sleeping all that well the past week.  I've been obsessively worrying again. My oldest daughter is off to NY with a few friends for Spring Break. That isn't all that worrisome, but they have decided to make it a road trip. The drive from Halifax to NY is 900+ Kilometers, a 17 hour drive - Ugh!

I hate obsessing over things I have no control over; it changes me, I become distant, withdrawn and anxiety consumes me.  I get all knotted up inside and the binding that holds me together tightens with each breath; it brings on an uneasy feeling that twists, flutters and eats me up inside.  I wish I wasn't like this.

So this week I will hide in my house, in my room and hide in my obsessive thoughts and worries. Only when she returns home safe and sound will I be able to breath a sigh of relief. It is going to be a very bumpy week folks!


only a movie said...

Ack. I know how this spiral can go... but it's good that you know how it goes and are preparing yourself for the week.

Take care of yourself and trust what a good job you've done as a parent.

She will make great decisions and have a fabulous time. (and she can txt you, etc, right?)

kaye said...

I'm that way too! I just make myself sick with worry. And it doesn't do any good for someone to tell me not to worry. You'll be fine once she gets home. I'll be thinking about you :)

Gal Friday said...

I am the same way--want to be there and protective of my daughter at all times. And I worry the same way..often.
Sorry to learn you are having such a rough time these days...maybe there will be some moments that you can take your mind off your worries(turn on some tunes LOUD and dance around?).

Shadow said...

ever easy being a mom, is it...

Jack said...

Happy to report that Miss Priss arrived safe and sound in NYC yesterday around 6:00. They would have arrived at their hotel earlier, but they somehow got off course and ended up lost in the Brooklyn.

I'm still stressing but felt a little relieved when I heard from her last night and again this morning.