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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

No dreams for me last night

I'm not one of those people who easily fall asleep. And when I do start to drift off, it's hard for me to stay asleep (someone on my street sneezes and I'm up). Mostly because it's at night when all is quiet that my mind wonders the most. All these thoughts, questions, ideas are swimming around in my head. Anyway....

Last night I head up stairs with book in hand around 11:00. I read for a bit, closed my eyes and settled in for the night and just as I'm starting to drift off Hubby pokes his head in the door.
Hubby: Are you asleep yet?
Me: I was trying...
Hubby: Mind if I watch the rest of the game up here?
He plunks down into bed and flicks on the TV. Now I'm fully awake. Arrrrrrrrrg!
Game gets over, he turns off the TV, rolls over and within a matter of minutes he's snoring and I'm next to him just seething. How do men do it? Their head hit the pillow and they're off to dream land.

What is it about the male anatomy that make them snore? At first it starts off with this heavy breathing sound (that just irritates the hell out of me), then tzzz, tzzz, tzzz, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-tzzzz-tzzzz.

So I lay there with one pillow, two, and three over my head but still hear him snoring. Look over at the clock and it's 1:38am. Then I gently roll him over to a different position and it works for about 30 seconds then t-t-t-t-tzzzz-tzzzz. Lay there for a while longer, look at the clock and it's 2:15am. Then this time I'm not so gentle, I boot him in the ass. He wakes up long enough to say "What's wrong?" then he's back asleep and there is silence for a bit so I lay my head back down willing sleep to come quickly but no luck. T-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-T-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Now the clock reads 3:47am and I'm seriously thinking about getting a sock, rolling it into a ball and CRAMMING IT INTO THAT BIG FUCKIN' NOISY HOLE IN HIS FACE

So I spend the rest of night wondering:
hmmmmm, would he be able to breath if a cram a sock in there?
Yeah, he can still breath through his nose can't he?
I don't know, maybe he can't. What if he can't and he suffocates?
Then you might be able to finally get some sleep!
Try it, and if he stops breathing, just pull it out.
and so on.

5:30Am, Asshole my lovely neighbor across the street starts up his Harley, revs it for 25 min. and starts off down my street.

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